Tiger Wasteland

(Note: I am an awards show and sports junkie. So I just had to!)

Wow, I didn't know Lance Armstrong was a comedian. But it seems he has a gay crush on Jake Gyllenhaal. He sure is paying him lots of attention.

Ms. Jackson is still Nasty and looking fabulous. Congrats to Vince Young for winning that award.

Keifer sure is short standing next to Venus Williams. Maybe she is wearing 6 inch heels! Congrats to Saun Alexander for winning (even though he is an ex-Bama player and us Auburn fans hate them so much).

There are lots of Hollywood Hunks in the audience, so I guess everyone now knows my true motive for watching, huh?

Matthew McConaughey is there looking fine. He and Lance are good friends and I heard he was hanging out in Lance's dressing room making margaritas. I would so love to "hang out" with him.

Damn, the flying tomato, Sean White got cheated out of his award.

Matthew came out for a Katrina tribute looking fine in his jeans and open collared shirt. He made me cry with the story of the New Orleans high school basketball team that won the state tournament. I'm a wimp for a feel good story.

Dammit! Another Bama player won another damn award. Tyrone Prothro with his g;ynastic touchdown catch. Can you tell how much I despise Bama? Yeah, it was a pretty good catch so I will give him that.

Rumor has it that Auburn's Coach Tub is in the audience but I haven't seen him yet.

Sean White had an erection standing next to Carmen Electra giving out the award for best female athlete. He was beside himself. Hell, if I were straight I would have been the same way. She is on my top 5 female list. Yeah, I do have one!

Boy are they promoting that silly new Will Farrell movie, Talladega Nights: The legend of Ricky Bobby. They filmed that at Talladega Speedway which was only 15 miles from where I grew up.

Ashley Judd looked like a desperate housewife in that ugly blue dress. She usually looks fabulous. But I did hear that she is recovering from depression so maybe she didn't feel like dressing up tonight. I am so bad.

Now I feel bad! Ashley is giving a presentation about women's rights under the Taliban.

Okay, I cried again when the two Afghani girls accepted the Arthur Ashe award. Seems they play soccer and they have to play behind an army base fence for their own safety.

Yay, Mariah is going to give the Best Male Athlete award. She looks great in that hot pink dress. Congrats Lance for winning for the 4th time.

Danica Patrick looked like a girly girl in that hot dress. Best game was the Rose Bowl. Yay for College Football. Matt Leinart looked hot tonight!

Jake G is giving away one of the last awards for Best Moment. I would have to nominate his kiss with Heath, but that's not a sport. OR IS IT? He is still smokin' HOT! And he sounded so soft spoken and sensitive. I want him to be my new boyfriend now. Sigh!

And guess what, I am crying again because the autistic kid won for shooting those baskets to win his junior high basketball game. Yeah, that was Best Moment.

Why am I so sensitive tonight. Must be my period!!

What a finish! Greg Kinnear and Mark Wahlberg giving away the award for best team. The Pittsburgh Steelers and they were reunited with Big Ben who just recovered from his motorcycle accident. That was a show, kids! And that is why I watch every year. It's better entertainment than most all other awards shows........